Letters to ISIS from a confused UK Socialist

Having taken on board the pacifistic attitude displayed and advice given by Jeremy Corbyn, current leader of the Trotsky Labour Party, I’ve been embarking on a peaceful route towards improving Western relations with ISIS.

I may not agree with Jeremy regarding current UK Foreign Policy with regards to Syria and ISIS, but one must explore all possible avenues before convincing oneself every effort has been made.

I wrote to ISIS on 16th November, sending them a stern rebuke of their anti-social behaviour, in light of some serious attacks on innocent Westerners.

ISIS LETTER 1

As of today (5th December, 2015), I have not received a response, possibly because the authorities in ISIS-land are busy negotiating the mere shards of daylight showing through the blanket of planes above them.

I have felt some further correspondence is required, backing up my previous strongly-worded expression of displeasure, so today I have written again to ISIS in Raqqa.

This time, I felt a more balanced approach may be necessary. Perhaps my initial letter was too strong, too threatening, so I have tried to ensure I provide some useful advice and suggestions, to show good faith and to perhaps give a method of reducing the carnage wrought by an angry and oppressed ISIS population, living in the darkness provided by millions of aircraft overhead.

I feel sure, with my help, we can remove the misery and oppression felt by an everyday ISIS terrorist. We can assist them in transforming themselves into a more acceptable terrorist, say something like a Saudi, one the UK and her allies can do business with more publicly. The current method Turkey has to employ to purchase oil from ISIS makes a perfectly legitimate business transaction appear soiled in some fashion.

ISIS LETTER 2

Keep the faith my fellow citizens of the People’s Republic of Disunited Kingdom, I HAVE this.

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